First a wife, then a career woman....!?!?!!?!?!?
This analogy, to me, is ridiculous! Check out TODAY Voices (Tue 5th Jul).
This pitiful woman actually takes pride in picking up an old time, ancient, outdated idea of being 'First a wife, then a career woman....'
Firstly, in the past, men could marry a few wives at the same time, they did not need to throw out their first, to take in the second, third and fourth. As long as the first wife kept an eye closed, she could still remain in the family, with food and shelter taken care of.
If Frances Ong is a lucky woman, and has full confidence in her man, carry on with this kinda thinking, and I hope the best for you!
In today's circumstances, if men are ever going to stray, he gotta ditch you, before he can go with his new love. This means no food & shelter for the first wife. And who's left in the lurch? Who's left with nothing but hate? Who's left with the empty promises and forgotten vows? Who's the one to be financially strained? Come on, you still have to fight for your alimony, and pray hard that the court gives it to you. If you so hate a person who had shirked family responsibility once, but still have to depend on him for alimony to stay alive, I think I'll be better off dead. Why do we want to put ourselves in such risky stage?
Don't ask why marry a man whom you do not have 100% confidence in. Nowadays, having a safety net is the key. Why buy insurance if not for a peace of mind! For the same reason, why have a job and be financially independent if not for a peace of mind!
Secondly, hallelujah for her thinking that being a modern woman means we have to behave like man. What's going on in her mind, I really wonder. She is the traditional woman i supposed then, if she refers to those who put career as important as family as modern woman. So what's behaving like man? Being good at work? Enjoying the ability to contribute to the economy? Being able to have someone at home to wait on oneself? Not viewing obedience as a form of weakness? Are these masculine traits of what she thinks make a man?
Does she mean that being feminine is then only being good at home (or maybe in bed)? To be satisfied that even if she has the capability of contributing to the economy, she is better off staying at home and contributing through her dosmestic duties? Being able to wait on someone, and treat obedience (and submissivity) as her most valued virtue?
I can't understand there is still such educated women (who can write in fluent English) who can ever live with such unrealistic, impractical expectations of men.
Maybe I'm not as lucky as her. She probably has such a loving and caring husband that she feels contentment just by waiting on him. I don't. If I live by her standard of virtues, I will really really really rather be dead! Obedience can be given for reasonable and logical demands. For unresonable, illogical and incredibly bewildered demands, obedience is considered as blind obssession. When my husband expects me to say sorry the first instant he comments or complains about me; when he expects me to say sorry first even if I had explanations to make; when he then after lectures me that if I had said sorry the first instant, then don't come out with IFs and BUTs; and then confuses me further by saying if I had valid reasons or explanations, I should communicate in the first instant, and not to apologize first bcos giving explanations after sarying sorry is like finding an excuse to wiggle myself out of situations. Frances, if you read this, tell me how to commit myself with obedience, 'be feminine', to cut away from work (and colleauges who gave me a social life to balance up my frustration), and just keep the house tidy after my dear husband blows up for the tiniest of reasons and throws things around to vent his anger?
Thirdly, this confused woman says that it is the right to fight for equal rights at workplace. But the husband might as well marry his male co-worker if we do this at home too. Hey, tell your husband to be a man. Does he can't stand the pressure of having women to challenge his decision-making / performance assessment in the workplace such that he needs a woman at home who doesn't have a mind of his own to prove his worth of existence? Or does he can't live with the fact that he may not be the boss in his office, thus need to boss around at home to find a balance in life? Or does he can't stand the idea of having someone of the same calibre as him in the workplace, such that he needs to feel superior at home having a woman who only have aspirations on how to cook better meals, how to be more efficient in tidying up the house, or how to better serve him in bed?
I can just say, congratulations to Mr and Mrs Frances Ong! You have found the right spouse to marry in this life! One will rather his woman be simple, and one will rather be a simple woman. But if I were you, I will not write to the papers to teach all other women to go your way.
A good marriage needs mutual trust, communication, appreciation, accomodation and love to flourish. (Although I'm still in the process of achieving that!) Not just a one-way obedience and acceptance of lower status by the woman, to satisfy the man's inferior complex. If she happens to have a grandpa who appreciates, love and respect his wife, congrats again! But it doesn't happen always.... and her formula will kill, more than save, the female population!
This pitiful woman actually takes pride in picking up an old time, ancient, outdated idea of being 'First a wife, then a career woman....'
Firstly, in the past, men could marry a few wives at the same time, they did not need to throw out their first, to take in the second, third and fourth. As long as the first wife kept an eye closed, she could still remain in the family, with food and shelter taken care of.
If Frances Ong is a lucky woman, and has full confidence in her man, carry on with this kinda thinking, and I hope the best for you!
In today's circumstances, if men are ever going to stray, he gotta ditch you, before he can go with his new love. This means no food & shelter for the first wife. And who's left in the lurch? Who's left with nothing but hate? Who's left with the empty promises and forgotten vows? Who's the one to be financially strained? Come on, you still have to fight for your alimony, and pray hard that the court gives it to you. If you so hate a person who had shirked family responsibility once, but still have to depend on him for alimony to stay alive, I think I'll be better off dead. Why do we want to put ourselves in such risky stage?
Don't ask why marry a man whom you do not have 100% confidence in. Nowadays, having a safety net is the key. Why buy insurance if not for a peace of mind! For the same reason, why have a job and be financially independent if not for a peace of mind!
Secondly, hallelujah for her thinking that being a modern woman means we have to behave like man. What's going on in her mind, I really wonder. She is the traditional woman i supposed then, if she refers to those who put career as important as family as modern woman. So what's behaving like man? Being good at work? Enjoying the ability to contribute to the economy? Being able to have someone at home to wait on oneself? Not viewing obedience as a form of weakness? Are these masculine traits of what she thinks make a man?
Does she mean that being feminine is then only being good at home (or maybe in bed)? To be satisfied that even if she has the capability of contributing to the economy, she is better off staying at home and contributing through her dosmestic duties? Being able to wait on someone, and treat obedience (and submissivity) as her most valued virtue?
I can't understand there is still such educated women (who can write in fluent English) who can ever live with such unrealistic, impractical expectations of men.
Maybe I'm not as lucky as her. She probably has such a loving and caring husband that she feels contentment just by waiting on him. I don't. If I live by her standard of virtues, I will really really really rather be dead! Obedience can be given for reasonable and logical demands. For unresonable, illogical and incredibly bewildered demands, obedience is considered as blind obssession. When my husband expects me to say sorry the first instant he comments or complains about me; when he expects me to say sorry first even if I had explanations to make; when he then after lectures me that if I had said sorry the first instant, then don't come out with IFs and BUTs; and then confuses me further by saying if I had valid reasons or explanations, I should communicate in the first instant, and not to apologize first bcos giving explanations after sarying sorry is like finding an excuse to wiggle myself out of situations. Frances, if you read this, tell me how to commit myself with obedience, 'be feminine', to cut away from work (and colleauges who gave me a social life to balance up my frustration), and just keep the house tidy after my dear husband blows up for the tiniest of reasons and throws things around to vent his anger?
Thirdly, this confused woman says that it is the right to fight for equal rights at workplace. But the husband might as well marry his male co-worker if we do this at home too. Hey, tell your husband to be a man. Does he can't stand the pressure of having women to challenge his decision-making / performance assessment in the workplace such that he needs a woman at home who doesn't have a mind of his own to prove his worth of existence? Or does he can't live with the fact that he may not be the boss in his office, thus need to boss around at home to find a balance in life? Or does he can't stand the idea of having someone of the same calibre as him in the workplace, such that he needs to feel superior at home having a woman who only have aspirations on how to cook better meals, how to be more efficient in tidying up the house, or how to better serve him in bed?
I can just say, congratulations to Mr and Mrs Frances Ong! You have found the right spouse to marry in this life! One will rather his woman be simple, and one will rather be a simple woman. But if I were you, I will not write to the papers to teach all other women to go your way.
A good marriage needs mutual trust, communication, appreciation, accomodation and love to flourish. (Although I'm still in the process of achieving that!) Not just a one-way obedience and acceptance of lower status by the woman, to satisfy the man's inferior complex. If she happens to have a grandpa who appreciates, love and respect his wife, congrats again! But it doesn't happen always.... and her formula will kill, more than save, the female population!
posted by Caller From The Falls at 11:07 AM
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