Confused woman, email me if you need help!!!
Mrs Lam who wrote 'Don't blame the other woman if he strays' (Today, 22nd Aug), I think you may need help!
I read in total disgust of what you wrote in response to Mrs Tan's article 'Stay away from my husband, you hear' (Today, 19th Aug).
Frankly speaking, from the first point you made regarding the husband who may turn to prostitution even if he had not commited adultery is already littered with ignorance. Have you ever been on the receiving end of a cheat? If no, I can tell you that facing with a husband who went prostituting and a husband who two-timed will hurt the wife basically, but it's a different feeling of hurt. If yes, please do think twice again, your logic seemed to be flawed!
When a man goes for prostitution, it's purely for sex, there's no intention to take care of her lifelihood or be a part of her life!
But if a man is two-timing, he puts attention and care into another woman's life! I should say that if pushed to the limit, a woman would rather live with a husband who does prostituion rather than a two-timer. When a man does prostitution, the wife can easily understand it's about sex that the man wants. When a man two-times, it's a matter far more complicated than sex. I should think that two-timing will emotionally affect the wife more!
Your next point says that 'Don't blame others. If you are capable of keeping your belongings, they are less likely to get stolen.' Of course, all humans have much more control of keeping their belongings which does not have a brain and could not even move an inch for nuts. BUT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT HUMANS!!! Unless your husband is like an object which will stay in the drawer where you put it, or a stool which will let you put your feet on whenever you pleases, and have no feelings like a punchbag who couldn't even run when you hit it, then you are absolutely right, blame yourself if you can't keep it! But I seriously dont' think Mrs Lam's husband is so capable as yours as to be an object which can't even lift a corner of his body for his life!!
And so you've wrote, about having the same experience. And that it wasn't right to bring in the other party's spouse? I beg to differ!!!! I believe it should be treated as a case by case basis. I also had the same experience, sad to say! And I'm absolutely, sincerely and truly glad that the other woman's husband had brought it up to me! Maybe the parents of the third party should not get involved, I'm in no position to judge though, cause as I said, it's a case by case situation. But I think the third party's husband did a very good job about alerting me to it, and actively seek help from me to end it. I had never treated his call as a form of revenge, but as an effective means of getting help. I felt his sincerity in wanting to solve the situation in the best way possible.
Do not think that your way is the best way for everybody, you never knew what Mrs Tan went through in her course of marriage. I'm noone to dictate what is right or wrong too. But I do not condemn Mrs Tan for what she had done to the third party, her husband and her mother. If you are not fully aware of what Mrs Tan had been through, don't assume that her experiences were the same as yours, she may have gone through much worse. And she is at any time in a better position to know what to do to save her marriage, at least better than you (who is only a reader). If she had not done what she had done, are you going to stand up and speak for her? Are you in any position to help her? No!!!
And I sense that Mrs Tan was also self-blaming when she talked about her husband's adultery. I think it's good that she is doing self-reviewing too. It takes two hands to clap. There may really be faults on her part which led to the events that happened. She did not point all the fingers at her husband. I think she is much more clear-headed now and can think better than Mrs Lam, who is still drowning in her own self-blamings.
I read in total disgust of what you wrote in response to Mrs Tan's article 'Stay away from my husband, you hear' (Today, 19th Aug).
Frankly speaking, from the first point you made regarding the husband who may turn to prostitution even if he had not commited adultery is already littered with ignorance. Have you ever been on the receiving end of a cheat? If no, I can tell you that facing with a husband who went prostituting and a husband who two-timed will hurt the wife basically, but it's a different feeling of hurt. If yes, please do think twice again, your logic seemed to be flawed!
When a man goes for prostitution, it's purely for sex, there's no intention to take care of her lifelihood or be a part of her life!
But if a man is two-timing, he puts attention and care into another woman's life! I should say that if pushed to the limit, a woman would rather live with a husband who does prostituion rather than a two-timer. When a man does prostitution, the wife can easily understand it's about sex that the man wants. When a man two-times, it's a matter far more complicated than sex. I should think that two-timing will emotionally affect the wife more!
Your next point says that 'Don't blame others. If you are capable of keeping your belongings, they are less likely to get stolen.' Of course, all humans have much more control of keeping their belongings which does not have a brain and could not even move an inch for nuts. BUT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT HUMANS!!! Unless your husband is like an object which will stay in the drawer where you put it, or a stool which will let you put your feet on whenever you pleases, and have no feelings like a punchbag who couldn't even run when you hit it, then you are absolutely right, blame yourself if you can't keep it! But I seriously dont' think Mrs Lam's husband is so capable as yours as to be an object which can't even lift a corner of his body for his life!!
And so you've wrote, about having the same experience. And that it wasn't right to bring in the other party's spouse? I beg to differ!!!! I believe it should be treated as a case by case basis. I also had the same experience, sad to say! And I'm absolutely, sincerely and truly glad that the other woman's husband had brought it up to me! Maybe the parents of the third party should not get involved, I'm in no position to judge though, cause as I said, it's a case by case situation. But I think the third party's husband did a very good job about alerting me to it, and actively seek help from me to end it. I had never treated his call as a form of revenge, but as an effective means of getting help. I felt his sincerity in wanting to solve the situation in the best way possible.
Do not think that your way is the best way for everybody, you never knew what Mrs Tan went through in her course of marriage. I'm noone to dictate what is right or wrong too. But I do not condemn Mrs Tan for what she had done to the third party, her husband and her mother. If you are not fully aware of what Mrs Tan had been through, don't assume that her experiences were the same as yours, she may have gone through much worse. And she is at any time in a better position to know what to do to save her marriage, at least better than you (who is only a reader). If she had not done what she had done, are you going to stand up and speak for her? Are you in any position to help her? No!!!
And I sense that Mrs Tan was also self-blaming when she talked about her husband's adultery. I think it's good that she is doing self-reviewing too. It takes two hands to clap. There may really be faults on her part which led to the events that happened. She did not point all the fingers at her husband. I think she is much more clear-headed now and can think better than Mrs Lam, who is still drowning in her own self-blamings.
posted by Caller From The Falls at 11:57 PM
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